I think instead of studying for my french or precalc tests tomorrow I’ll have a cigarette and go to sleep. 

mitchell has been texting me. He found out that I’ve finally moved on too. It’s killing him. He said “i ant stand to picture you with someone else.” “i just keep imagining you having sex and cuddling and telling each other you love them.” and “ive been maybe regreting breaking up with you, but evenn if I do, I ant take you back because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Sometimes I feel happy knowing he’s the one who’s miserable and missing me now, but then other times I still miss him and it messes with my head when it comes to Timmy, this new guy I’m talking to. Idunno, love is so fucked up. 
oh, and caroline if you’re up, online, and reading this, I’m not ignoring you, I just woke up to get things off my mind. I love you. G’night m’lady. 

Today we had a sub in last hour, so my whole yearbook class went to “sell ads”, but we reaally went to McDonalds. While I was there my ex texted me “Please stay out of Jene’s classroom”. Jene is his stepmom and her class is always loaded with snacks and candy and I hadn’t eaten lunch so I got a snack before I had a game this evenening. My class went back to school before the final bell rung and I was walking to my locker when he stopped me. He said “Youre really starting to piss me off”. I argued how it should matter because I purposely don’t go into her room if he does and that he’s moved on to a new girl already so I shoyld mean nothing. I kept asking why he didn’t want to see me, and all I wanted to hear was “Because it hurts to look at you.” (like the way it does for me) but instead he says he doesn’t like me and that people keep telling him stuff about guys. I’m confused because I’m not involved with anyone , yet he can go and get a new girl in a week after he was supposedly so in love with me.. We aregued and argued and then eventually he got pissed and was like “I wanna hit you so fucking bad right now. I swear if we weren’t in school I’d be hitting the shit out of you.” I never thought things would ever turn out this way. The funny thing is; someone asked him about me and he replied “No, she’s not my girlfriend antmore, but I still love her.” I’ve never heard a bigger lie. 

so last night I was really drunk and I made out with aaron jennings, but I felt bad and lame because I’m still in love with my douchey ex boyfriend and I just can’t really be involved with anyone right now. 
aaron is so cute and seet though.
sighhhh

yet I feel so fucking alone. No one understands. Even my penpal doesn’t write me. 
oh yeah, and it’s not going to surprise yall, but mitchell dumped me after prom on saturday. In a text. 
I’m treated so fucking well. 

“There is no good reason
 I should have to be so alone.
Im smothered by this emptiness,
Lord I wish i was made of stone.
Like a fool I lent my soul to love,
and it paid me back in change.
God help me.
Am I the only one who’s ever felt this way?”

ethancoad:

Just saying. 

I’m higher than a kite hot oxing my room with my little bro. The sun is coming through my curtains and shining perfectly, it’s pretty. 
I’m happyy